Pushing Me Away
by Starchick
Summary: Believe it or not, this IS a Christmas fic, everyone ^^;, S+S. So from the author of 'Affirmation (my other S+S fic),....R&R please!


Okay, here's the thing people. I wasn't really going to post this, since it's only my 3rd Card  
Captor S+S fic. I got this platinum Christmas CD about 2 weeks ago, and then a few songs  
from it started to inspire me. I sat down, and I just wrote...this. And I KNOW that it isn't  
good, 'cause I just threw it off really. But since it's Christmastime, and this IS a Christmas  
fic, on top of the fact that it's been a REALLY long time since my last S+S fic..here goes.  
This is based on and is named after the songs "Christmas Day" by Dido (she's a good singer  
too!), and 'Pushing Me Away' by the band Linkin Park. Well hope you all enjoy, and never   
forget: Merry Xmas everyone!  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
PUSHING ME AWAY  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
And the last words   
I heard him say  
Were the last words,   
I ever heard him say  
I shall return  
For you, my love  
On Christmas Day  
  
  
  
~Dido- Christmas Day  
  
  
  
  
  
  
~Flashback~  
  
  
  
Darkness was closing in, and he knew that he didn't have much time left. How things   
had taken such a dreadful turn was beyond him. But that was alright. He was ready.  
He didn't mind. But she did.  
  
"Please, please don't leave me." He could hear her sobs through the blinding, searing  
pain. Struggling, he saw a flash of light as his eyes opened slightly. And then he saw  
her face. The same face that always made his breath catch in his throat, made his  
heartbeat accelerate to the point of a heart attack. It was the same clear skin, the  
same emerald eyes. But those emerald eyes weren't the clear, laughing ones he was  
used to, and the bright, captivating smile was completely absent. Crystal tears ran  
in streams down her cheeks, welling up in her eyes, which had a now dulled look.  
  
She continued to cry, kneeling on the ground next to him. "Please say you can hear  
me," she sobbed. "Don't leave."  
He could feel her hand stroking his cheek, with the same gentle touch as ever, though  
her hand was now trembling. Summoning his strength, he reached up and held it.  
Opening his eyes fully, he smiled at her through the pain. "I hear you."  
  
Her eyes went wider, and got some of their former life back. "Are you okay?" she cried.  
"I'll go get help-"  
He shook his head. He could already feel the life draining from him, it was pointless.   
But he just had to be with her one last time.  
"It's useless," he told her softly. "It's already too late.."  
"No!" she cried, clutching his hand tightly. "Don't talk like that. You'll be fine, I promise."  
"You shouldn't make promises you can't keep," he told her wryly.  
She shook her head. "No, you can't leave me," she whispered. "I-I need you..."  
He bit down on his lip and shook his head softly. "Don't," he murmured. "Don't do this  
to yourself."  
  
The wave of tears came back in full force, as she gripped his hand tighter than ever,  
her tears falling onto his cheeks. "There must be a way....God, I'm so sorry. This is all  
my fault."  
He glared at her. "What are you talking about?" he demanded. "Nothing is your fault."  
  
"Where did it all go wrong?" she murmured, as if to herself. "It's supposed to be   
Christmas soon, we were supposed to be happy....I should have seen it coming. If you  
hadn't met me, if I hadn't gotten involved.." she broke off in fresh sobbing, until she  
felt him weakly caress her hand.  
  
"Don't say that," he told her quietly. "If I'd known that this was going to happen, I  
would have done it all over again willingly, just to have met you. I'd rather die now than  
to have lived my whole life never knowing you..and I know that sounds really old and  
cliched.."  
  
She shook her head, touched, tears pooling into her green eyes yet again. "No," she  
reassured him, laying her head down on his chest, which was starting to rise and fall  
less frequently, and she could hear the unsettling sounds in his chest, which told her  
that his organs had ruptured beyond repair...her entire body trembled with sobs as  
she thought of the fact that he was leaving her, that she never would see him again,  
hear his voice, hold him....  
  
"I love you too," he whispered, stroking her hair gently. Then his voice grew serious.  
"You have to promise me something," he told her firmly. "Anything," she whispered  
back, raising her head.  
"Don't let it get you. You have to survive, and especially don't let -it- win on  
purpose just to be with me...or I'll never forgive either of us."  
  
Stunned into silence, she slowly nodded. Amazing. He had just spoken what she had  
been thinking of doing right then..-it- had destroyed the person who meant the most  
to her in the world, why didn't -it- just go after her too? But then, she knew she   
couldn't live with him hating her for the rest of eternity...  
  
"I promise," she said with a small sigh. He smiled. "Thank you."  
His voice was getting fainter, and she let out a few more sobs, knowing that he was  
slipping away forever right in front of her.  
  
It was as if he'd read her mind. "This isn't forever," he told her quietly. "It isn't the  
end. I know we'll see each other again someday..and we'll be together then."  
"Really?" she asked in a small, hopeful voice. He nodded with what strength he had  
left. "I promise. And I also promise that we'll spend a Christmas together, since we've  
been cheated out of this one. I want you to stay strong, until that day, alright?"  
  
She nodded quietly, gripping his hand again.   
His eyes fell shut again, for the last time. "I love you," he whispered, as the darkness  
overtook him completely.  
And she felt his hand go limp in hers, and the tears came again as she struggled to   
keep her resolve and her promise to him.  
"I love you too."  
  
  
  
~Flashback Ends~  
  
  
  
~Li's POV~  
  
  
  
I looked up at the school clock above the teacher's desk, as the hands slowly  
moved toward 8:15. Three seconds, 2, 1..  
"Hey Sakura!" Madison Taylor called from the desk frontward diagonal from mine, as her  
best friend Sakura Avalon dashed into the classroom, just as the final bell rang. Sakura  
gave her a tired, relieved smile as she came over to her desk..right in front of mine.  
  
"Hi Madison," she said in her normal cheerful tone, although there was a slight stiffness  
to it as she sat down. I could guess why. So could Madison, and my cousin Meiling.   
Anyone who had been there last night could have guessed. They were both  
glancing from me to her in uneasiness.  
  
Sakura, apparently deciding that she was too furious to simply ignore me, turned on  
me, her eyes flashing a deadly green. It reminded me too much of her expression last  
night, well one of them anyway. But I kept my cool, impassive gaze trained right back  
at her.  
  
"Li, I'm going to give you one last chance to apologize for last night," she said in the  
coldest voice imagineable. I wasn't surprised, although I definetly had been the night  
before. "Because I have put up with this too long from you. I'm not the same child I  
was a year ago, and you can't keep treating me like I am. I have feelings too, you   
know, I am a person. And I make mistakes, just like other people do, and I may have  
made a small one yesterday, and I admit it, but you didn't have to treat me like an  
idiot. You didn't have to do what you did..."  
  
She had been practicing this speech all night probably, I could tell. And although it  
was obviously a struggle, due to the slight trembling in her voice, she was managing  
to keep her tone even, which was definetly something. I thought back to last night,  
her screams, the tears running down her face..the words... I knew I had hurt her  
badly last night. And I should have just ended it right now, because I really was sorry.  
But she had also hurt me a lot. Maybe even more than I had done to her. Well, that  
was probably a given.   
  
I didn't want to keep going on like this, to keep fighting with her, to have our  
friendship on a wildfire rollercoaster, because it always felt like a battle I never could   
win. And I hated it....  
But like always, it was as if I had lost all control of my actions. I wonder if I'd ever   
had control of them.  
  
I smirked at her. "This really isn't the best time to have it out, considering the time you  
ran in this morning," I replied in annoyance. "The class is going to start."  
A flash of white hot anger crossed her face. "Listen Li, I don't want to fight with you  
again, so just say sorry," she snapped.  
"Why should I?" I demanded angrily. "You're the one who should apologize, you're acting  
as if I'm the only one who said or did anything that could hurt."  
"You did it first!" Sakura retorted.  
"Yeah, but I didn't mean it the first time," I countered, just as hotly.  
  
"You're both acting like a bunch of 2 year olds," my cousin Meiling said from the desk  
next to me, angrily. "Look, me and Madison were both there last night, we saw what  
happened. And it's nothing that couldn't be fixed with a simple two words!"  
"Well, they're not coming from me," Sakura said quietly, glaring at me in cold fury. "I  
meant everything I said."  
"So did I," I told her just as quietly.   
  
Her eyes were now 2 stone ice pieces, and I knew I had the same hidden anger look  
on my face. Two masks of barely concealed hatred...  
Madison face was slightly paler than usual. "You guys don't mean that," she said quietly.  
"Not after everything you've been through..."  
  
Luckily for us, before the chance of saying even worse things to each other came up,   
our teacher Mr. Terada came into the room. But that didn't matter. The look in her eyes   
said it all.  
She broke off the connection first, turning back in her seat to face the front decidedly,  
as the teacher began to speak.  
  
"Good morning, class. I apologize for being late, and thank you for waiting so patiently.  
As you know, today is the last day before the Christmas holidays, so we have a lot  
of work to get done..."  
  
I tuned out after this, staring out the window at the fluffy white substance that coated  
everything outside. All this time, and I still wasn't used to snow? No, that wasn't it...  
It wasn't fair. It wasn't fair that I was feeling some really strange feelings inside me,   
when it hadn't been me who'd triggered the fight. Okay sure, maybe it had been about  
both of us...I didn't want to think about it. But it was as if my mind was programmed  
on autopilot this morning. The night before kept flashing back to me...  
  
And what annoyed me the most was that I didn't even know what I was really feeling.  
I knew what I should be feeling. Hate, complete fury...so what was wrong with me?  
Why couldn't I feel the way I was supposed to be feeling? God, this was so frustrating.  
  
Hurt? Yeah, that was still there. Turmoil? That was present too. I was stunned at how  
hard she had actually affected me. Why would I even care about what she thought?   
She was hopeless, a hopeless case, and it was a complete mystery how she had ever  
gotten mixed up in Clow Reed's business, with the Clow Cards, she had proved so last   
night...she was such an amateur. I really should just stand back and watch how she  
handles it all on her own.  
  
So why didn't I ever do that? A stupid little annoying voice in the back of my head  
questioned. Why didn't I ever just forget about her? Why was I always there?   
I was going to go nuts if these thoughts didn't get out of my head soon.  
  
Then I felt a dark feeling rush through me. It resembled hatred...that was right, wasn't  
it? That was what I should have been feeling, but I'd never felt hatred like this..not  
toward her but towards...myself?  
  
I think I really was cracking up. Why in the world would I hate -myself-? I hadn't  
done anything wrong...  
Except make her cry.  
  
I squeezed my eyes shut, unknowingly clenching my fists under the table, trying to   
drive away these annoying, crazy, dumb thoughts that made no sense. So what if I'd  
hurt her? She had hurt me, too. Didn't that count for anything? What the heck was   
wrong with me?  
  
I sighed, looking up at the sky. Suddenly, I stopped thinking about my current dilemna  
as I remembered a dream that I'd had last night..it was a recurring dream from the  
past few nights, ever since the month of December started. And honestly, it was   
beginning to drive me crazy too. The dream never made any sense, and yet at the  
same time, felt perfectly right. It wasn't a nightmare.  
  
I would always be in the same place, near a lake deep in a forest. And on the shore  
would be this girl, and I always felt as if I knew her. But upon waking, no matter how  
many times I wracked my mind, I couldn't remember her from anywhere. It must have  
been a very long time ago.  
  
I would always get the feeling that she was waiting for me, or something. She would  
stand up from her kneeling position when I would approach, but her back would still  
be facing me, so I couldn't see her face. But then, right when she was about to turn  
around, I would wake up.  
  
Sighing quietly, I shook my head. Great, first I was having dreams about things I  
didn't understand-again-and then tearing myself up over a girl who was PMSing  
worse than ever...I really had to get out of this place. I don't think I've ever felt  
as annoyed with school as I did that day. It seemed that eons had passed before we   
got out. But of course, we did, eventually.  
  
I was walking home with Meiling, who was trying to keep up a steady flow of  
chatter, and at the same time observe me inconspicuously. She wasn't doing that  
great of a job. And this was the girl who used to dream of being a secret agent  
spy when we were kids.  
"Meiling! Li! Hey, wait up you 2!"  
I started at the sound of the familiar voice. Both me and Meiling turned to face   
Madison.  
"Madison, what are you doing here? Don't you live in the other direction?" Meiling   
asked in confusion. Or rather, what she wanted me to believe was confusion. For   
some reason, her voice sounded a little..fake. I was suspicious at once.  
  
"I just had to tell you guys about the party I'm having over the Christmas Break,"   
Madison said breathlessly, she had run all the way up to us. "My mom's going away  
for a few days, and she won't be here for Christmas. And I'm allowed to have a few  
people over for a couple days until she gets back. So do you want to come? I've  
already invited Chelsea, Zachery, Nikki, and Rita."  
  
I wasn't buying this at all. "And?" I demanded with a raised eyebrow, noticing   
instantly that she had left out a certain someone.   
  
Madison flushed. "Well, I haven't asked Sakura yet, because she left for school without  
me. I tried to catch up with her, but she just ran, it was like she didn't even hear  
me." She paused, and I felt a tiny wave of guilt. But then I threw it aside; whatever  
Sakura's problem was, it couldn't be me. Except for this morning, she had acted as  
if I had never even come into existence, which, I could tell from her expressionless  
emerald eyes, was her greatest wish. I felt the same way, roles reversed.  
Or tried to feel the same way, anyhow.  
  
"But I'm sure she'll be there anyway," Madison continued airily. "Her father's going   
away on a business trip too, and Tori will be on his high school ski trip, so.." she   
trailed off, then questioned, "Well?" She looked at us hopefully.  
  
"Sure, we'll come!" Meiling agreed instantly. I glared at her. "Excuse me, -we-?" I   
demanded. Meiling looked imploringly at me. "Oh come on, Li, please? You can't spend  
Christmas all alone, and I want to go."  
  
I really hated it when she did this. I sighed in resignation. "Oh, whatever," I grumbled.   
Meiling cheered and threw her arms around me in her trademark chokehold.  
Too bad I didn't see her wink at Madison over my shoulder.  
"Great!" Madison said, pulling out a piece of paper and scrawling down our names.   
"Come over tonight, because my mother left this morning, and Christmas is in 2 days.   
Cya then!" She suddenly spotted someone else. "Hey Eli!"  
  
She took off down the street, her silvery violet hair streaming behind her as she raced   
to catch up with the bluish-black haired boy from our class. I never had trusted him   
much...needless to say we didn't get along the greatest.  
  
I didn't have time to reminisce about my relationship with Eli Moon, as Meiling latched  
onto my arm. She dragged me home, skipping the entire way and talking about how   
much fun it would be to spend Christmas with the others. I couldn't bring myself to tell   
her that I wasn't thinking along the same grounds as she was. A few days ago, I might   
have agreed, although I do have this thing against big gatherings with annoying   
people, and now...   
  
Meiling raced up to the front door, unlocked it and flung it open, streaking inside. I  
followed about 3 minutes later, to find her already racing around the place, grabbing  
various stuff. I just rolled my eyes to the ceiling.  
  
"Okay Li, I'll pack our bags," she declared, choosing to ignore my gesture. "You   
always take too long doing it, and you'll take even longer this time just to annoy   
me."   
"Fine," I mumbled, sweeping the snow off of my arms; it wasn't like I wanted to hang  
around while she tore around the place-someone could get seriously injured that  
way.  
But not wanting to risk Meiling's temper, I went to my room without another word,  
firmly closing the door behind me. The transition in sound was instantaneous-my   
room was soundproof.   
  
I went over to my bed and lay faceup with my arms behind my head, staring up  
at the ceiling. Maybe I should have stayed outside with Meiling, the silence wasn't  
good for my already messed up state. Within the span of a minute, I had fallen  
back into my thoughts again. They all revolved around her.. proving there had to   
be something wrong with my mind.  
  
What's my problem? I asked myself silently. I thought back to the night before,   
thought of the words I had said...  
"Sakura, how you ever got caught into this business is beyond me. You're way past  
hopeless."  
"Oh shut up, Li, it was a little accident! Why are you always so insincere, can't you  
ever stop being a..."  
  
I placed my hands over my ears, as if Sakura was screaming at me now and I could  
block what I knew she would say next. I felt the now familiar stab in my heart, that  
same pain that had kept me from getting much sleep last night. I had never known  
pain such as this before. All I wanted to do was hate Sakura, hate her as much  
as I knew she hated me..but every time I tried, it was as if my chest was set on a   
fire of pain, to the point where I could barely breathe, and I was so exhausted.   
  
"Why does she have to do this to me?" I muttered out loud. It was bad enough that  
before this, I hadn't been able to get her out of my mind anyway, and now all I could  
do was question the reason why...  
  
I must have fallen asleep, because the next thing I knew I was having the dream again.  
It was the same girl. She was kneeling by the shore again, trailing her fingers in the  
water. It was a night scene, I could see the full moon. She stood up as I approached,   
and for the first time I noticed that she looked about my age..yet she seemed ageless..  
  
"Who are you?" I whispered, before realizing that I'd spoken aloud. Which I had never  
done.   
She'd heard me, and she slowly began turning around, but her face was still shrouded  
in darkness. I peered as she began to walk closer, slowly, but she was definetly  
coming. Suddenly, she seemed so far away. But then her eyes came into view.   
Startling evergreen eyes. I gasped. I did know her...but I still couldn't place where  
I knew her from.   
  
And then I woke up. Sitting up on my bed and blinking a few times to adjust to the  
now darkened room, I jumped as I noticed Meiling staring at me in the darkness,   
her ruby eyes shadowed with concern. "What are you doing in here?" I snapped,  
not meaning to sound as harsh as I did.  
  
She frowned defensively. "I'm done packing, for your information," she told me slow-  
ly. "I was done about half an hour ago, but you were still sleeping..." She peered at  
me curiously. "Li, are you alright?"  
"Yes," I replied reflexively, and she glared at me. "Liar!"  
"Prove it."  
"You haven't taken a nap during the day since you were 6 years old."  
I shrugged, glancing out the window. "I was just tired today, that's all," I replied  
dismissively.  
"For the first time in 6 years," Meiling countered with a snort. "Huge coincidence  
that it just happens to be the same day you're in the biggest fight ever with Avalon."  
  
I glared at her, annoyed that she had pinpointed the exact reason of my problems.  
"I don't know what you're talking about," I told her coolly. "I haven't thought about  
Sakura all day, if she wants to be that way, it's fine with me. Why should it matter?"  
"Wonderful speech, Li," Meiling said sarcastically. "Too bad nobody present believes  
you..and that includes yourself. Look at the strain you're under. You have got to  
stop this."  
  
I sighed, glancing toward the clock in my room. "It's almost 6, Meiling, we'd better  
go if you want to be at Madison's place on time." I stood up, but Meiling quickly  
blocked my path as I attempted to get to the doorway, meeting my gaze squarely.  
"You'll tell me if anything's wrong, won't you Li?" she demanded.  
I hesitated, then shrugged and nodded. "Whatever you say, Meiling," I replied in  
defeat. She paused, then nodded in satisfaction at my answer.   
  
"It'll be alright, Li," she told me firmly. "You'll see, things will turn out fine in the  
end."  
I wanted to believe her so badly right then, even if Meiling didn't always have her  
facts straight. I gave her a small smile, feeling grateful.  
  
Madison's house was aglow in multicoloured Christmas lights. Meiling rang the door-  
bell, and seconds later, Madison flung open the door excitedly.  
"Hi you two!" she greeted. "I'm really glad you could make it." She pulled us through  
the doorway, shutting the front door behind us. "This'll be the best Christmas ever!"  
"We said we'd be here, right?" Meiling told her cheerfully.   
"You guys are a little early, the others are coming in about half an hour or so. The  
only other person here is Sakura.." she faltered slightly, glancing back toward the   
balcony.  
They both gave me uneasy glances, and I frowned in annoyance. What was with  
everyone?  
Things just kept getting better, didn't they?  
  
  
  
~Sakura's POV~  
  
  
  
I stood on Madison's wide balcony, looking up at the evening stars as they appeared  
in the sky. Tracing a pattern in the thin layer of snow that had gathered on the   
balcony railing, I thought of the unnerving dream I'd had the night before. I'd been  
having the exact same dream for over 2 months, never changing. But in the past few  
weeks, the dream had started to make some sort of sense..and the familiar face now  
sent a rush of sickness through me..  
  
Someone had been standing by the usual lake, in the middle of the darkened forest.   
When I'd approached him, he'd begun to speak. "I told you I would keep my promise."  
That voice was always so familiar, and each morning I would wake up, frustrated that  
I couldn't remember where I'd heard it before.   
  
"I've been waiting for you," he would continue. "For so long..but I'm not the only one.  
-She's- here too. -She's- back. And you have to stop her once and for all..."  
  
I had told Kero about these dreams, but he only seemed interested in -who- I had to  
stop once and for all, and I didn't even know who that was. I really hated prophetic  
dreams sometimes.  
Kero thought it was connected to the dark force that had appeared last night...  
when things fell apart, I remembered, with a small stabbing feeling in my  
chest.  
  
Then I stomped my foot in anger. "Forget about him," I whispered. "He's never   
meant anything to you..." I was getting too good at lying to myself.  
  
Kero never seemed interested in -who the guy in my dream was, and that had   
frustrated me at first, but now I didn't give it a second thought. In fact, at this   
moment, I was glad that he never bothered asking, because it was terrifying to myself   
who I thought it just might be...  
  
I did see him in a dream before, just before I met him, I remembered, thinking back to  
the 4th grade. But that hadn't been the same dream. That had been about the Clow  
Cards. I had no idea what the guy in my current dream was warning me about...  
  
But what scared me most was that, even if I didn't know for sure who he was, I knew  
that I must have loved him very much, because when I was with him, I could feel   
traces of long ago love stirring within me. But that couldn't make sense; I was only 12  
years old, and I was positive I hadn't been in love when I was 9 and under.   
But what worried me the most was that, if the guy was who I thought he sort of looked  
like...  
  
In the dream, I was always able to make out his dark brown hair, and just a few weeks  
ago, I had begun to see hints of deep amber eyes...and he was taller than me, but  
still looked my age..  
  
I shuddered now as I thought of the only person I knew who matched that description.  
Kero had warned me that a lot of what I had seen in my dreams were reality.  
"Please, please don't let this be real," I whispered. To be in love with him, when he so  
obviously hated me...  
  
I heard the doorbell ring inside the house. A few minutes later, I heard Madison's voice,  
and then I heard Meiling's. And I didn't need to play 20 questions to guess who must  
have been with her..  
  
"The only other person here is Sakura," I heard Madison say. "She came about an   
hour ago."  
I cringed inwardly. Great Madison, like I really wanted him to know I was here, I   
thought in annoyance. Then I sighed. There was no avoiding it, and there was also no  
way I would allow Li to think I was running away from him. Taking one last look up at   
the starry sky, I went back through the balcony doors and into the living room.  
  
"Oh, hey Sakura, there you are," Meiling greeted happily. All I could do was smile back  
weakly and wave. "Hi," I said slowly.  
He and I weren't looking at each other, but the coldness was radiating all around the  
room. And as I felt pain in my heart, I suddenly wished that I hadn't come at all. Even  
though I would have been staying home all alone, it would have been so much better  
than this.  
  
  
  
~Anonymous POV~  
  
  
  
She stared. Then she smiled. And then, she finally cackled.  
They'd had her very worried for a moment there. She had thought that they were  
surely going to be together again. After all her hard work to bring them down, an entire  
lifetime ago...they had found each other again. She was annoyed with this, naturally,  
but then she had simply reminded herself that she would have to take on the mission  
to pull them apart once again. They were the ones, the only ones who posed as a   
threat to her...but only when they were together. Apart, she could take them easily.  
  
And with the way she had staged things, they would be apart for a good while. Long  
enough for her to do what she had to do. She knew where she had made the mistake  
last time. She had split them apart when they still loved each other, and had foolishly  
underestimated their bond. But that was long past. And she'd had a whole lifetime  
since then to realize her mistake.  
  
She giggled as she remembered the scene she had caused the night before.  
  
  
**********************************************************  
"You're pathetic. Haven't you learned anything yet? Sakura, how you ever got into  
this business is beyond me. You're way past hopeless."  
"Oh shut up Li, it was a little accident? Why are you always so insincere, can't you  
ever stop being such a jerk?"  
"You're the one who doesn't even know what she's doing. Honestly, why don't you  
just butt out and let experts handle this?"  
"Shut -up-! I've been doing this as long as you have, so don't act like you're  
all superior to me. Your attitude is really getting to me." She'd tried to walk past him,  
but he'd blocked her path.   
  
"I've been doing this way longer than you," he'd said in a low voice, which should have  
been a danger signal. "Are you trying to make fun of the Li Clan?"  
"The only one whose making fun of anything is you, and I'm not gonna stand around  
and listen to you insult me, so back off!" She'd shoved him, but he'd shoved her back  
and she'd landed on the ground.  
  
Madison and Meiling had been talking to each other, contemplating about the evil that  
had brought Li and Sakura to the park, at the insistence of Kero. But when they'd  
looked back next, Sakura and Li had been fighting, screaming at each other, the  
works.  
  
They'd had to use all their strength to pull them off each other.  
"I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!" Sakura had shrieked, still struggling in Madison's  
grip. "I thought I knew you, but I know now that you're nothing like I thought you  
were."  
"Ditto, Sakura," Li had replied in an icy voice. "And now I wish I'd never even met you."  
***************************************************************  
  
  
She laughed as she remembered the scene. It had been so perfect, better than she'd  
thought it would have turned out. Her spells must be getting stronger.  
"Now I wished I had never even met you," she echoed aloud, then snickered again.  
Those words had been priceless. Exactly what was needed to drive them apart. Even  
-she- hadn't thought that he would go that far.  
  
She frowned down at them now, where they couldn't see her. The auburn-gold haired  
girl with the stunning green eyes, and the dark haired boy with the deep amber eyes.  
Yes, it was clear that they still loved each other, their battle had been nothing more  
than a release of already tense emotions about each other.  
  
It doesn't matter, she told herself firmly. All that matters is that they hate each other  
now.  
She had to chuckle once again at the young girl as she stood on the balcony, looking  
up with glazed eyes which concealed her torture.  
  
They're done for this time. This time, there would be no mistakes...they had to be  
eliminated, for good. No questions asked.  
  
  
  
~Sakura's POV~  
  
  
  
"Li, truth or dare," Chelsea said, turning to him. He frowned. "Neither. I don't play   
this dumb game."  
"Oh come on, Li, it's fun, once you get into it," Zachery persuaded.  
"Don't bother, he doesn't even understand the meaning of fun," I muttered quietly,  
but most of them still heard it. Li glared coldly at me. "Yet unlike some of us, I under-  
stand when it's time to grow up...or time to stay out of other people's businesses."  
He couldn't hold back that last little slap of injury. He knew my weak spot was  
being told that I had no business with the Clow Cards. It was one of the things that  
had set us both off the night before.  
  
I could feel the coldness setting back in, and all I knew was that I didn't want to be  
near him. I didn't want to see him. I wanted to hate him...but figures, the only thing  
that I wanted to do, I couldn't.  
  
Without another word, I threw down the cards that I was playing Speed with Rita   
with, got up and left the living room. Let him get out of the situation himself. It was   
all his fault anyway.  
  
"All his fault," I murmured quietly, slipping out onto the balcony. I sat down on a   
small lawn chair in the corner, and was there for a while before I felt the tears slip   
slowly down my face. It wasn't fair. WHY couldn't I hate him? Why? It would make   
things so much easier if I did. But whenever I tried to, all I felt was this horrible pain   
in my chest, as if I were doing something mortally wrong.  
  
"All his fault," I whispered, curling up into a ball on the chair. I didn't even feel the  
cold, even though it had to be below zero out there on the balcony. I wasn't even  
wearing a coat.  
  
I don't know when it was that I fell asleep, but I knew 2 things. 1, it was really stupid  
of me to go to sleep out in the cold, and 2, I was convincing myself that I hated Li,  
he was my enemy...  
  
  
*Dream...  
  
  
But next thing I knew, I was near the lake again, and the guy was in his same place.  
Then he turned to me, and his face was in shadow. That was explained because the  
moon overhead was completely hidden by dark clouds. It never fully came out from  
behind the clouds in this place. He spoke, and I was shocked at the hurt I heard in his   
voice.  
  
"You hate me?"  
I blinked in stunned surprise, trying to think of where he could have gotten such an  
idea. Then I remembered what I had been telling myself as I fell asleep. Did I accidentally  
say it in the dream, and then this guy thought I had been saying it to him?  
I shook my head. "No! Of course not, not you. Just this dumb kid from my class..."  
Even though I couldn't see his face, I knew he was studying me hard. Then he spoke  
again. "You hate me."  
  
It was more of a statement then a question. I shook my head again. "No," I told him.  
He was silent for a minute. Then, "The demon is here. Ever since we met each  
other, she's been trying to push us apart. They almost succeeded once, but we  
beat them..with a promise..."  
  
"A..promise..?" I echoed, feeling a jolt. Faint memories were stirring from within me...  
kneeling on the ground beside a man..a man who was dying...I was crying..and then  
something about a promise...a past life..and I was getting a headache from the  
sudden rush of memory.  
"I think they might have, again," the guy continued.  
  
I shook my head for the third time. "I DON'T hate you!" I cried in frustration. "It's not  
you, it's this boy who's always so mean to me...Li Syaoran."  
He was silent. Then, "I know."  
  
I gasped, a rush of realization coursing through me. I now realized where I recognized  
that voice from. Not just of a life gone past...it was one that I now heard almost  
every day. How could I have missed it? And then I felt a terrible dart of pain and  
disbelief in my heart...  
  
The moon finally fully came out from behind the clouds. And I felt tears prick at the  
corners of my eyes. How...  
"Oh God," I whispered, taking a step back. He just nodded mutely.   
It was Li. It had been him all along.  
  
  
...End Dream*  
  
  
"Li," I whispered as I opened my eyes. I clearly remembered the events of the dream,  
but I had trouble believing them. Okay, I had no personal problem with the past life  
thing. I could even handle the thought of whatever was supposed to be after me. But  
to be in love with Li...  
  
And then he was suddenly there, peering over me in what might have been concern,  
if his eyes hadn't been just a hidden blank. But was there a faint question in them?  
I almost screamed. There were about 3 million emotions running through my body, and  
I sat up as with start. "What are you doing here?" I hissed. Then I noticed my surround-  
ings. I wasn't on the balcony anymore, I was back in the living room. But it was dark,  
and nobody else was there.  
  
He looked at me for a minute, staying quiet. I became flustered at his intense stare,  
feeling as if he could see into me, and it just irritated me all the more. Did he have to  
torture me again? Couldn't he just leave me alone?  
  
"Stupid," he finally muttered, mercifully glancing away. I glared at him. "What?"  
"You fell asleep on the balcony, which was a really smart move, I might add," he told  
me sarcastically. "You weren't even wearing a jacket. You're lucky I found you. You  
could have frozen to death."  
  
I turned away from him, looking out the window. "I wouldn't call it luck," I muttered.  
"And would you have even cared if I had?"  
I could feel his anger without turning back around. He was staring at me hard enough  
to drill a hole in my back. "What is that supposed to mean?" he said in a deadly whisper.  
I didn't bother to look back at him. "Just what I said, Li Syaoran."  
  
"You know," he replied, standing up. "I don't know why I would have cared. I don't  
know why I let myself be played by you this way." His voice was icier than I had ever  
heard it, and I had to concentrate every miniscule portion of my strength to hold back  
the tears. I was too exhausted to fight anymore, I just wanted to hate him and leave  
it at that..I still hadn't figured out why I couldn't. Why I had ended up doing the exact  
opposite. I remembered the dream.  
  
I stood up. "Ditto, Li," I responded, wincing inwardly at my own freezing voice. "Just  
leave me alone."  
He blocked my path, just like yesterday, and I glared at him in fury. Did he really want  
to start all this over again? I didn't, God how I just wanted to get away from him.  
"Tell me one thing, Sakura," he said. "What were you just dreaming about?"  
I widened my eyes, but refused to give any other sort of response. My mind was racing.  
Did he know? Well, if we had been in love in a past life, did that mean that he was  
having the dreams as well?  
  
I narrowed my eyes at him. "I don't see how that's any of your business," I snapped  
in fury. He smirked at me sardonically, which really set the anger flowing. "Well, I  
normally wouldn't give it a thought -- that is if you hadn't said my name when you  
woke up."  
  
I could feel my face heating up, and had to thank every star in the sky that he   
couldn't see. Couldn't see what he was really doing to me, and how much I hated it..  
yet at the same time...  
My eyes darkened. "How do you know it wasn't a nightmare?" I countered, determined  
to never let him see how he had gotten to me.  
  
For the first time since the day before, or 2 days before since it was after midnight,  
our eyes met, amber to green...and said everything that we needed to know without   
having to say a word. He hated me...I hated him...it was obvious, anyone could tell,   
with the way the tension in the room was rising rapidly. Why couldn't I just leave it at   
that?  
And then suddenly, and very unexpectedly-  
  
  
**Flashback**  
  
"You're a real jerk sometimes, you know that?" she said in quiet anger, turning away  
from him.   
"One can't help but think the same thing about you," he replied smoothly. She whirled  
to face him, her vivid green eyes flashing like lightning, very annoyed at the fact that  
while she could do nothing to ruffle him in the slightest way, he was getting her  
furious like no one else had ever before.  
  
"Who do you think you are?" she demanded. "You just came from nowhere, and then  
try to tell me how to do my business. Well let me tell you, mister, I was doing just fine  
without you, so you can stop wasting your time around here. Although you do that a  
lot, don't you?"  
He turned, staring off into the horizon, a hint of amusement in his expression. "I'd love  
to see you say that in a couple of years. You think that this is the worst it gets? You  
have no idea what you have to face for real."  
  
She paused for a moment, then her angry masked slipped back into place. "Well,  
whatever comes, I'll handle it on my own, so just leave me alone! I don't know what  
you think you're doing -- "  
She was cut off suddenly as he suddenly kissed her. A small one, but it was enough  
to silence her, stun her into a daze. All she could do was stare back at him, blushing  
as he pulled away, with an amused look his face.  
  
"You know, you're actually tolerable..when you're quiet," he said, his amber eyes  
dancing with laughter.  
She was too shocked to even think of a possible retort.  
  
**Flashback Ends**  
  
  
It was all I could do to keep from gasping out loud, as the sudden image hit me like  
lightning, and then left just as quickly. I noticed my surroundings again and drew in  
a quick breath, trying to calm down. Where did that come from? I wondered, looking  
down in confusion.  
  
I noticed Li blink out of the corner of my eye, his own eyes wide in surprise. I suddenly  
got a very sick feeling in the pit of my stomach..He must have had it, too, I realized.  
But that would mean, once and for all...  
  
Once again, I couldn't be in the same room as him anymore. It saddened me and  
sickened me to think that I was actually recoiling from him, but I just couldn't stay  
there, especially when his eyes landed on me, studying me. I was sure he'd see the  
terror in my eyes, I couldn't let that happen.  
  
Pushing past him, I dashed out of the room, almost colliding into Meiling on the way  
out. I stared at her in surprise. "What are you doing here?" I demanded, my tone  
sharper than I meant it to be. She blinked.   
  
"I-I was worried," she admitted defensively, studying me curiously. "We all were, Li   
found you on the balcony asleep and we thought you'd gotten really sick. I just came   
to check on you 2." Her crimson amber eyes reflected worry and unhappiness, and I   
knew instantly that she had heard everything.   
  
"Besides, I have to talk to Li," she added quickly, frowning. "Sheesh, what is it with  
you 2 giving me the 3rd degree every time I start caring about you guys?"  
I bit down on my lip and sighed. "Well, thank you Meiling, I'm alright," I reassured her.  
"I'm going to bed."  
  
I pushed past her and ran up the stairs, to the guest room that I was staying in. I  
hurriedly got into my nightgown, flicked off the light, crawled into bed...but go figure,  
I just couldn't sleep. I was shuddering from the impact of my last encounter with him.  
I had even been rude to Meiling because of him. Why couldn't I just lock him out of   
my mind forever?   
  
'Because you care about him,' said an annoying little voice in my mind. 'You cared for  
him in a past life, and nothing's changed since then.'  
I shook my head, clamping my hands over my ears as if I could shut out the voice that  
was in my head, desperately not wanting to believe it was true. It couldn't be, not him..  
But then I remembered the face in my dream. There was no mistaking that person,  
especially when he'd been on my mind almost every minute since...what seemed like  
forever.  
  
I don't care about him, I don't care about him, I silently chanted in my mind.  
The night was quiet, snowflakes falling gently on the windowsill of the guest room.   
Next to me on the dresser, Kero was snoring peacefully, floating in midair. Luckily for  
me, he was nowhere around when I fought the losing battle against my tears.  
  
But my best friend was. I had only been sobbing for a few minutes when I suddenly  
felt someone rubbing my back soothingly, and I heard Madison's voice soon after.  
"I'm glad you're finally crying, Sakura," she said quietly. "It's good to cry, but you   
haven't let anything out since..." she trailed off. I didn't need her to say it, I knew what  
she meant. I was turning into an ice cold person...like him. How did he live like this all   
the time?  
Should I care? -Why- did I?  
  
I pushed myself up and turned to face Madison, her hair glinting violet in the midnight   
light. "Thank you Madison," I said.  
"It's okay," she replied. "I know you want to hate him, but you can't because you love  
him, right?"  
This was definetly one of the times that I resented the bond Madison and I had that   
could practically allow us to read each other's minds. I sighed.  
  
"I...I don't..." I stammered; great, she was really going to believe me now. I didn't  
sound convincing even to my own ears.  
Naturally, she gazed at me with a disbelieving look. "You didn't mean what you said   
last night, did you." It was more a statement then a question. "Oh Sakura, why did  
you say it?"  
  
I wanted to protest, but almost against my will, I found myself shaking my head,   
tears coming to my eyes again. What -had- caused me to lose my temper?  
  
Scratch that, I already knew. There was no other explanation, no one else who had  
such a desire to split Li and I up. It had to be -her-...  
"Madison, do you.." I hesitated for a moment. "Do you believe in past lives?"   
Madison studied me for a moment, then looked thoughtful. "I've never really thought   
about it," she admitted.   
"Neither have I," I said quickly. "But..."  
I began telling her everything. All about the dreams, what I remembered from my past   
life, how the person in my dreams was him... and about the demon that had split us   
apart last time, and how I was certain that it was trying to do it again. It had   
caused the fight last night, it must have. I didn't get angry that easily, although that   
did somewhat depend on how big a jerk Li was being. But still, we had been saying  
what was in our hearts...  
Did Li remember any of this...?  
  
Madison was shocked. "Sakura...you mean that-"  
I shook my head, once again knowing what she was going to say. The question and its  
answer shot a dagger of pain through my chest. "No," I murmured quietly. "It may  
have made us fight, but it only did so by bringing out our innermost thoughts."  
"That's not true," Madison insisted. "What Li said are not his innermost thoughts, any  
idiot can see that..I mean-" she faltered and sweatdropped as I glared at her. "Look,  
the point is that it's obvious he cares about you. I mean, he's saved your life on so  
many occasions you can't even count anymore-"  
  
"Madison, stop it," I said in a broken voice. "Whatever you think Li and I ever had,  
it's over now, okay?"  
"You were obviously meant to be together," Madison countered. "He kept his promise  
to you, for God's sake! He's here, you're here, it's Christmas, you're going to be   
together..."  
  
"..Fighting, hating each other, not speaking," I retorted, then sighed. "And yes, he   
does hate me Madison. He doesn't care..."  
Madison shook her head, tears welling up in her own eyes. "That's not true..." she   
whispered. Clenching my eyes shut, I tried to block out her voice. I lay back down in  
my bed. Feeling terrible that I was now being mean to my best friend, too. All this  
over him.  
  
Madison finally stood up. "Well Sakura, please don't make a mistake, okay? It's   
Christmas, if your past life is real, then he's kept his promise..you don't want to ruin  
it."  
I closed my eyes tightly, listening as she left and shut the door behind her. He kept  
his promise..  
  
My mind suddenly drifted back to the demon who was intent on splitting us apart. Who  
had succeeded last time...I flinched hard almost gasping as I realized what it would  
mean if she succeeded this time. Not only would the world be plunged into almost  
certain annihilation on account of her thirst for vengeance against a certain family  
member of hers...but to win, she would have to split Li and I apart...as in death...  
  
No! I cried in my mind, tears springing up unexpectedly for what had to be the 15th  
time that night as I remembered my last life...after he had left me. As much as I had  
promised to keep my word to him about staying strong and not letting her win, too  
many times I had found myself just wanting to die...  
  
I couldn't go through that again. I couldn't let him get hurt...  
Sitting up in bed, I drew my knees to my chest. Yes, I admitted silently. I was in  
love with Li. I had always thought love couldn't hurt...whoever had come up with that  
idea must have been a bachelor all their lives. This hurt so much, the idea of him  
hating me as he did, along with the thought of him in danger...  
  
"I won't let him get hurt," I vowed in a whisper. No matter what it took, no matter  
what the cost...Li wouldn't be the one to get taken this time. He had given up his  
life last time for me...I had to repay the favour sometime. For her to succeed, the  
2 of us had to be hating each other, and be apart permanently from her. This I knew  
for a fact, I had finally deciphered the dark sides of the dream.   
  
Not surprisingly, I didn't get much sleep that night.  
  
  
  
~Li's POV~  
  
  
  
"Come on, Li, help us decorate the Christmas tree."  
I had been sitting on the couch next to where the giant pine tree was set up, garland  
and other ornaments being thrown onto it by the others. I'd been sitting cross-legged,  
my eyes shut, blocking out the sounds of the others as I tried ferverently to calm the  
thunderstorm of emotions in my heart.  
  
It seemed as if I was plagued from everywhere, by my dreams of a concealed girl that  
became increasingly more familiar with each passing night. And by a bright, emerald  
eyed girl not far from me, in a sense an angel of innocence, and the demon of pain  
at the same time..  
  
I sighed, not understanding a single thing that was going through my mind, not  
surprisingly, since the thoughts were all mixed up. It was worse than it had been  
yesterday, and here I'd hoped it would have gotten better. But the pain...no, it hadn't  
left me, I should have known that that was too easy. It had returned the moment  
I saw her this morning. One of the reasons I hated her, and there were other reasons  
too. One was because I couldn't bring myself to hate her, and I'd tried everything  
but I had still stayed up practically all night with her in my mind. Another reason: I  
just couldn't get her out of my head. Third...I had never felt like this over anyone  
before. Even if I'd wanted to hate Meiling, I could at least make myself believe that  
I did, even if I could never fully hate her. With Sakura, I wasn't even able to fool  
myself. And that bothered me...but honestly, I didn't care anymore. I was too tired  
of this whole thing. Normally, I would have been able to hold out a lot longer than this,  
but then, normally I wouldn't be forced to be with her almost 24/7.   
  
Now Zachery stood firmly in front of me. "Li, you're helping us decorate," he insisted in  
a voice that left no place for me to complain. Even though I did try.  
Meiling and Naoko hung the ornamental coloured balls on the large tree, practically   
knocking each other along with the rest of us down as they jumped all over the place,   
giggling. Meiling was always like this, so I wasn't too surprised, but Naoko..that's a   
different story.  
  
Zachery, Eli and I were given the job of hanging the Christmas lights on the tree, and   
later on outside. Since they were both taller than me, I didn't have to reach all the way   
to the top of the tree, and I was hanging the bubble-type lights on the center of the   
tree.  
  
Chelsea and Rita were hanging garland and red and green ribbons all over the living   
room. Apparently they had been working since very early this morning, because the   
entire bottom floor of Madison's mansion was strewn with silver banners and stuff.  
  
And then, Madison was doing various jobs, because she was monitoring the whole   
thing. On top of that, she was handing Sakura stockings to hang on the mantleplace,   
stockings which had all of our names on them. She had made them herself. I could   
tell she must have also made what Sakura was wearing -- a red two piece suit, top and   
skirt trimmed with white fluff, to look like Santa Claus, I suppose. Cute...  
  
I shook my head in annoyance, tearing my eyes away with a scowl. Why did I always  
go on like that?  
"Wow, this is SO pretty!" Meiling exclaimed, dancing around. I glanced at Madison.   
"Didn't it take a lot of work to set all this up?" I questioned.  
She smiled. "Maybe, but I didn't mind. Actually, I'd rather spend Christmas with you all   
than with my mom, just because it's a little more lonely with just 2 people."  
  
Rita's eyes went all starry. "Aw Madison, that's so sweet," she cooed. Sakura hugged   
herbest friend. Madison shrugged, and then handed the gold and silver star to her.   
"Here Sakura, you hang this on the tree," she said.  
  
Sakura nodded, then climbed onto the armrest of the couch, stretching up as far as   
she could go without falling over. "Sheesh Madison, why did you have to buy such a   
huge tree?" she grumbled. Chelsea giggled. "Because it'll be so beautiful when it's done,"   
she pointed out.  
  
"Are you going to be okay, Sakura?" Eli asked in concern.   
"I'm fine," she replied. Since she was already stretched to her full height and still wasn't  
all the way at the top, she pushed herself up on tiptoe. Finally grazing the tip of the   
tree, she placed the star at the very top, where it glittered on its own with the subdued   
sunlight streaming into the room.  
But then Sakura lost her balance.  
  
I don't know why I just didn't let her fall. I wanted to tell myself that I didn't care, but   
how can I do that when I kept proving the very opposite?  
I caught her on instinct, barely even aware I was doing it. I guess all I had in my head  
was the image of her hurting herself..  
  
It must have been a while before we even noticed what had just happened. Her green  
eyes met mine, with the strangest expression in them..but at least it was some improve-  
ment over her blank look.  
  
It was gone in an instant as we jumped away from each other as if burned.  
"Klutz."  
"Shut up, I would have been fine."  
"You consider a broken neck fine?"  
  
Eli sighed, finally breaking in with annoyance. "Please you guys, you're ruining the   
Christmas spirit."  
Sakura cast me a disgusted look that went right through me, then marched away. I   
refused to give her the satisfaction of even looking at her.  
  
Rita sighed, sitting back. "So what do you guys want to do today?" she asked curiously.  
"It's Christmas Eve. We could go to the Winter Festival, the movies, to the mall to finish  
up Christmas shopping..."  
  
"We're going to the movies tonight," Madison reminded us all, setting up a nativity  
scene in front of the fireplace. "We're watching 'the Grinch', remember?"  
"Yup," Chelsea said cheerfully. "I've always wanted to see that movie."  
  
Getting bored, I drifted out of the room and wandered through the house in boredom. I  
was being extra careful to make sure I didn't step under the mistletoes Rita and Chelsea  
had hung up all over the place. I wondered briefly if they had done it as a joke, or if  
Chelsea had just wanted to get a certain person underneath it..  
  
I stopped at the sitting room window, staring in awe at the way the snow was swirling   
around outside in a twisting dancing. I knew it was a snowstorm, and that could hardly   
be a good thing..but I didn't often think of many things as beautiful.  
  
I quickly turned away from the window before my train of thought eventually ended up  
where I knew it would.  
Grabbing my jacket, I decided to take a walk outside. I just always found the freezing  
characteristic of snow as extremely calming.  
  
"Going somewhere?"  
I winced inwardly at the voice, then turned around with a guarded expression. "Can I   
help you, Sakura?" I demanded coldly. She met my frozen glance with determination,  
but also with something else, and it drove me crazy that I didn't know what it was.  
"Do you mind if I walk with you?" she said simply.  
  
I raised an eyebrow. It was a strange request, considering the way we'd been acting  
around each other for the last few days. But it wasn't as if I wanted to say no,   
because I did want to be with her...but I didn't want to face off against her again..  
I gave her an indifferent shrug. "I don't care."  
  
Grabbing her jacket, she followed me into the snow. The flakes continued to dance   
around on the sharp wind. It was below zero, but I didn't feel the cold, for some reason.  
I was preoccupied, with a certain girl from a certain dream..and an evil spirit demon   
from a time long past...  
  
I hated being so confused all the time, and believe me this was enough to confuse me  
for the next 2 years, or so it seemed. The girl had warned me about a demon who had  
also known me long ago, who had split the 2 of us apart..and that girl, I knew her. I'd  
known her for a long time, through all eternity, it felt like. I just had to glance at the  
emerald eyed angel in her white coat next to me, and I knew it. Yet I had never felt  
so far away from her, ever.  
  
"Li?"   
She spoke first, and I glanced at her quickly then looked away. I didn't want to see   
her expression, if she was even wearing one. She knew I was listening, but she   
looked away also.   
  
She held out her arm, trying to catch a few snowflakes in her gloved hand. I couldn't  
help but stare at her. The heart of a child...she had always been like that. It was  
definetly her, the spirit in her couldn't have been anyone else's. After all this time...  
and still...  
  
"Christmas is supposed to be the season of happiness." Her voice was so quiet, I had  
to strain to hear it. At first I thought I hadn't even heard it at all. Why was she telling  
me all this? Why wasn't she still angry? Still, I remembered her saying something like   
it before.  
"I know," I muttered, watching the snow swirl around in the dance.  
"It's always been my favourite holiday," she continued, almost hesitantly. "To be  
with friends, loved ones..."  
  
"None of which I am to you, right?" I smirked. I don't know why I couldn't pull back   
that silly comment. Maybe I just had to know.   
Sakura turned to me. "I don't want to fight, Li," she said in a stony voice. "Maybe  
you do, but I don't! And you've been ruining everything for me-" she cut herself off  
and took a deep breath.  
  
We were silent, walking. I didn't want to say anything, didn't want to set anything off.  
It had been a miracle that she hadn't bitten my head off for that last comment...I  
wondered what was up with that. Maybe she really did want to end this? Somehow I  
didn't think so. Well, if she wanted to hurt me somehow, I was already doomed out  
alone with her. And she had already hurt me beyond pain.  
  
She kept her face turned away, hiding herself from me. Again, as it had been for the  
past few days. She was pushing me away. But then, wasn't I doing the same to her?  
Sighing, I looked up. Strangely enough, the two of us had somehow managed to end  
up at the Winter Festival.  
  
Sakura noticed too, and she smiled slightly. "I used to love this festival," she admitted  
quietly. I wasn't surprised, naturally.  
I wondered if she was aware that I already knew almost everything about her. I   
wondered if she knew about our past life..? I wondered a lot of things.  
  
"So what changed?"  
Sakura started at my comment; I don't think she expected me to answer. She sighed,  
looking away. "So much," she murmured. Then she walked ahead of me, or attempted  
to. "Rita, Chelsea and Zachery are somewhere here, I think. They said that they were  
coming."  
  
I seized her wrist before she could go anywhere. She whirled around, her forest eyes  
wide in shock. "Li, what-"  
I pulled her back and met her gaze evenly, trying to read what she was thinking.   
There was something unsettling about this. I knew Sakura wouldn't have been the  
first one to give in to a fight like the one we'd had, not with the fire in her soul.  
  
"What are you hiding from me?" I demanded quietly.  
It wasn't my imagination, a hint of fear had entered her clear green eyes, eyes that I  
had once been able to read every emotion in. Now they were carefully masked.  
"What are you talking about?" she snapped; this was the first inclination of anger   
that she had shown the whole time we'd been together. Then she turned away, trying  
to twist her arm out of my grasp.   
  
"Don't hurt me," she whispered in a small voice, uncomfortable pain showing on her  
face. I glanced down at the wrist I was gripping, slightly hard. I quickly loosened my  
grasp. "I'm sorry," I murmured, turning back to her; she still wasn't looking at me.  
"But I want to know."  
"Know what?" she protested, wrenching her arm away so hard that she stumbled   
back slightly.   
  
I watched her uneasiness. "Liar."  
"Don't call me a liar, Li."  
  
"Not this again," moaned a voice from just behind us. We turned to see Rita, Chelsea  
and Zachery, watching us with mixed looks of amusement and annoyance. I couldn't  
help but notice the immense look of relief on Sakura's face as she saw our friends.  
  
After the five of us had returned from the festival later that day, the rest of the day  
went by restlessly and listlessly. I was watching TV in Madison's den along with Eli  
and Zachery and Naoko when Chelsea stuck her head in. "Come on you guys, get  
ready. We're going to the movies. Madison's bodyguards are taking us."  
  
I rolled my eyes as we all got up; I didn't really want to go to the movies. I've never  
been one for the cinema. But I had agreed to get in the spirit - it was one of the   
things I had promised Meiling the night before, when she'd come in after Sakura had  
run out.  
  
I had read the book of the Grinch Who Stole Christmas, or rather, my oldest sister  
had read it to me and Meiling when we'd been little. Let's just say that the movie  
was nothing like the book, well not really. Not that I paid much attention. I was   
seated between Eli and Rita, very bored, when Madison suddenly tapped me on the  
shoulder.  
  
"Li, can I talk to you outside for a minute?" she asked in a hushed voice. I raised  
my eyebrow, giving her a strange look before I saw her urgent expression. I nodded,  
and she practically pulled me out into the lobby. Once there, in a shadowed corner,  
she pulled the stuffed animal out of her pocket.  
  
"What's he doing here?" I demanded in annoyance. Kero glared angrily at me.  
"Li, Kero has something to tell you..." Madison said, casting me a warning glance.  
"Just a minute." I looked at them suspiciously. "Where's Sakura?"  
  
Madison became frantic again. "That's the thing Li, I don't know! She got up a while  
ago, saying she had to go to the bathroom, but she didn't come back. And when I  
went to check on her, she wasn't there. She's not anywhere in here, and I don't  
know where she went!"  
  
I closed my eyes, trying furiously to stay calm. "She's so stupid sometimes," I   
muttered. Kero looked at me heatedly. "Hey, watch your mouth kid!" he retorted.  
"This is not the time, you 2," Madison hissed, getting annoyed for one of the few  
times in her life; the situation was setting all our tempers on high. "My best friend  
could be in danger right now!"  
  
I took a deep breath, then looked straight at her. "Okay, do you have any idea   
where she might've gone?"   
Madison bit down on her lip. "I'm not exactly sure where," she admitted slowly.   
"But I may have an idea why. Last night, she was talking about these dreams she'd  
been having recently, about a past life, and a demon that had ruined everything.  
The demon had split her and the love of her past life...which just happens to be-"  
  
"Me," I whispered, stunned. It was as if the rest of the world had just faded into  
mist except for Madison's words. She had been having the dreams too...she   
remembered...I didn't know whether to feel elated that she remembered what we  
had shared once, or to be terrified, because if she remembered the demon too...  
I had the sickening realization of where Sakura had gone, or rather, what she had   
gone looking for.  
  
Madison nodded, scrutinizing me. "You've been having the dreams too," she realized  
quietly, with a little smile. "So you remember? She was wondering if you did...I think  
she was hoping you wouldn't."  
"We have to find her," I said, already about to head toward the doors of the movie  
plaza. "She's in danger-"  
"Whoa, cool it kid," Kero exclaimed, grabbing the back of my shirt with his 2 tiny   
paws. I glared at him. "What?"  
  
"You can't go rushing into something you don't know the first thing about," he snap-  
ped. "All you know is that you and Sakura knew each other in a past life, and that  
some demon split you guys apart, and is trying to do it again. Believe me, that's not  
going to help much."  
  
"So..who is she?" I wanted to know. "What is it?"  
Kero sighed, looking down. "You know, there is a reason why I chose Sakura to be  
the Clow Mistress, besides her magical powers and the fact that she was the one who  
released the cards in the first place. At first, that was the only reason that I'd chosen  
her, but I could always tell that there was just something about her. Just like there  
was something about you, and you were chosen by your Clan elders to capture the  
cards again. Don't ask me just what it is, it's just something called fate. Yes, in your  
past lives, the 2 of you were involved with Clow Reed's business."  
  
"How does that explain what the demon wants?" I demanded.  
The stuffed animal hesitated, and then continued. "Clow Reed had a little sister. That's  
who the demon is. No one knew just what had gone wrong with her, but it had been  
accepted, when she was still just a kid, that she was pure evil.  
But then you 2 came along, and met each other. And then the evil power in her start-  
ed diminishing. We had hope, that she might be able to return to normal. However,  
that's not what she wanted.  
  
"It was the love between you guys that was destroying her. If you weren't together,  
then she'd be okay. The reason she was so affected was because you all used to   
spend so much time around each other, with Clow Reed and all.   
So she split you up, permanently, she thought. But that promise you made...it still   
showed a bond of love between you guys, meaning you were just as dangerous to her   
as ever.  
  
"Clow Reed turned her into a clow card after she destroyed you, it was the only way   
he thought he could keep control over her. But really, all it did was give her immortal  
life..."  
  
"So Sakura doesn't stand a chance with whatever dumb idea she's planning now," I  
suddenly realized, looking out one of the large windows into the dark, snowy   
Christmas Eve night.  
Kero nodded gravely. "She's alone, and she's not strong enough alone...we have to  
get to her. You have to be together to stand a chance against her."  
  
Next thing I knew, Meiling was next to us, apparently Madison had gone to get her.  
"I thought she needed to be here, too," the violet-eyed girl explained, at Kero's   
annoyed look.  
"Of course I needed to be here!" snapped Meiling in annoyance. "What's going on?"  
  
I turned to the stuffed animal. "Do you feel the demon anywhere around here?"  
I demanded, walking toward the door and leaving Madison to explain things to my  
cousin. Kero nodded in uneasiness. "She's here. She's been here for a while...but I  
didn't know it was her, until a few minutes ago."  
  
Come to think of it, I was starting to sense something too...something not good, for  
sure. And Sakura...  
I put a hand to my forehead, trying to calm myself down. Just wait until I get my   
hands on her, I thought furiously. Didn't she know how dangerous this was? It wasn't  
just some clow card...this actually dealt with death. What was she playing at?  
  
I realized that this was what she had been hiding from me this morning. She had  
actually been planning this. But -why-? Why couldn't she have told me? I think that's  
what hurt the most.  
  
"We have to find her," I murmured, running out the door. The stuffed animal was   
flying right behind me, for once not worried at all about anyone noticing him. Madison  
and Meiling came up a few minutes later. Meiling didn't look too pleased after hearing  
the story, but she had a look of determination about her.  
  
"Where would she go?" she muttered, as we started turning down street after street.  
"I'm sensing it.." I said aloud. "It's coming in the direction of the Winter Festival...but  
Sakura wouldn't try to fight it with all those people around.  
"The woods behind the festival," Kero said. "Where we found the Firey card."  
  
I could feel Sakura's aura now, along with the demon's. They weren't together just  
yet...but the demon was getting closer...  
My heart tightened as I thought of history repeating itself, except roles reversed...I  
didn't know what the heck Sakura had in mind, but whatever it was, I wanted to just  
make sure she was okay...  
  
  
  
~Anonymous POV~  
  
  
  
She wanted to laugh, with scorn and overall joy. The girl had come on her own. She  
was looking for her right now.  
  
The demon knew that the girl could sense her...but she hadn't played around in oh so  
long, she wanted to have just a little fun, before she finished the job that had been  
made too easy for her.  
  
She studied the girl with slight interest. She was younger than she had been when they  
had met in the other lifetime. The girl looked about 11 or 12, she had been at least 16  
last time. But there was no mistaking the jewel-emerald eyes, the auburn-gold hair.  
This was going to be fun.  
  
Then the demon suddenly frowned. It was Christmas Eve...late Christmas Eve, to that  
matter. The bond between the 2 was getting stronger, because of that stupid promise.  
That worried her a little. But only a little. She just had to make sure that they weren't  
together on Christmas Day. No matter what happened, she would have to eliminate  
at least one by the time midnight came around.  
  
But there was a plus. Their love was slightly weakened by the fact that they were  
feeling uneasy around each other. They both knew by now, but at least they didn't  
trust each other.  
  
She would play around with the girl, before moving in for the kill. She had always  
enjoyed playing with her food, as a child. It was something her older brother had  
always chided her about. Her older brother...  
The demon gave a mean smile, making her seem even more sinister. "I know you'd  
be proud of your little sis, Clow dear."   
  
The boy was coming....  
  
~Madison's POV~  
  
  
  
  
I had my camcorder out, but all that it was probably recording right now was the  
snow rushing by as the four of us dashed through the dark park on Christmas Eve.  
I was so worried! Even though I didn't have any magical powers, or a magical bond  
the way Sakura and Li did, I could still kind of sense if something was wrong with  
my best friend...and something was definetly wrong. She was in danger. Besides,  
the expression on Li's face said it all.  
  
I glanced at him. "Li, she'll be okay," I said hesitantly. Meiling nodded from his other  
side. "Yeah, Avalon knows how to take care of herself," she added.   
Li sighed. "She can't stand up against IT alone," he said in a frustrated, clipped tone.  
"What on earth was she thinking about?"  
I looked down, not being able to argue with that. Well actually, I could, I had a   
pretty good idea why Sakura hadn't included Li in her plans for the evening...and it  
wasn't because she hated him. Just the opposite. But even though I did a lot, and  
went too far in some cases, betraying my friend's trust wasn't an option. Still...there  
was no way this kid hated Sakura, not the way he was acting.  
  
Kero frowned. "Sakura's not exactly helpless, but the kid's right," he murmured   
worriedly.  
I started tuning out, my eyes frantically searching our surroundings as we ran   
through the bare and pine trees. Sakura...where are you?  
  
"Sakura!" Meiling suddenly cried out, staring at something - someone - to our left.  
She started running. Li was practically literally on her heels, and all of us had   
reached Sakura's side within half a second. She had been crouched on the ground  
as if in pain. I was surprised that Meiling had managed to spot her, her fluffy white  
coat made her blend in with the snow on the ground.  
  
"Sakura, are you alright?" Meiling and I cried in unison. Li knelt in front of her,  
holding onto her shoulders, as Kero floated down in front of her, panic on his face.  
Sakura raised her evergreen eyes to us, blinking as if surprised to see us. Well of  
course, no doubt she hadn't expected us to be there.  
  
"Wh-what are YOU guys doing here?" she asked in confusion.  
I dropped to my knees. "What happened? Are you okay?" I asked panicked; her  
eyes were slightly dazed, as if she'd been hurt recently.  
"What did it do to you?" Li demanded. Sakura looked back down, shuddering. "I...  
I feel cold all over.." she whispered, then shook her head firmly. "I'm fine."  
  
Li shook his head as well. "You're such an idiot sometimes," he muttered. "You've  
got a lot to answer to, Sakura."  
She glared at him. "What?" she said furiously. "What are you doing here anyway?"  
she suddenly demanded again, as if just noticing him from the first time. She   
sprang back from him.  
  
He glared at her incredulously. "What am -I- doing here?" he retorted. "What are  
-you- thinking of is a better question. Do you know how dangerous this is? And you  
were planning to do it all alone? That was a really stupid thing to do, Sakura,   
running off on your own to fight this thing, you could've died! It wants to kill you-"  
"You don't know what you're talking about, Li," Sakura shot back. "You don't know  
what -it's- after, there's a very good reason I didn't tell you, and not just because  
of the fact that you're such a jerk you wouldn't understand-"   
  
"I know perfectly well what it's after," Li hissed. "And I also know what could have  
happened if we hadn't found you. You don't stand a chance against her without  
me."  
Sakura was about to snap back an angry comment, when the words he said   
suddenly hit her hard. Her eyes went huge, staring at him in disbelief. "You...know?  
You remember?"  
He nodded, his eyes never leaving hers.  
  
In the momentary peace, Meiling put a hand on Sakura's arm, gripping sort of  
hard. I could see the obvious fear mixed with relief on her face. "Li's right, though.  
This is the stupidest thing you've ever done, Sakura. If Madison hadn't noticed you  
were gone.."  
  
Sakura's eyes shifted from Li's to mine, my own eyes filling with tears as I recalled  
the fear and panic as I'd realized that Sakura was gone. And when I'd found out  
what she was trying to face head-on, all by herself...  
"Sakura!" I wailed. "How could you? Are you nuts?"  
"I'm sorry I couldn't say anything Madison," Sakura murmured. I smiled, wiping  
my tears away at her sincere look. Then I tried to cover up the situation.  
  
"No, that's not just it, you didn't tell me where you were going, so I couldn't even  
make a costume for this!" I complained. "It's too bad, this is probably gonna be   
one of my best films!" Next to me, Kero facefaulted, which must have been hard  
since he was floating in midair.   
  
Meiling rolled her eyes, but Sakura just smiled. But then a serious look crossed  
her face as she looked around nervously. "You guys really have to get out of here,  
it's still here. I'll fight it-"  
"Sakura? Quit it," Li said in annoyance, pushing her back down as she  
tried to stand up. "You're weak, your aura's practically gone-"   
  
Then -she- was there, practically right in front of us. I felt her before I saw her,  
and I didn't even need magical powers to do that. The coldness, the chill that it  
radiated...the dark evil in it's aura.   
  
Li pushed Sakura into mine and Meiling's arms as he and Kero shot up on guard,  
waiting for it to show it's physical form. Kero quickly transformed into Cerberus.  
Yet it's physical form was curious. If it weren't for her dark garments and aura, and  
its red eyes, the demon would almost look like an angel. Pale skin, hair blacker   
than night, eyes that glowed like old coal embers newly relit.  
  
Sakura struggled to get away from us, and it was a good thing Meiling had such a  
strong grip. I knew Li was right, Sakura had been weakened, there was proof of   
that in the way she couldn't even get away from me. But she definetly tried,  
especially when -it's- eyes landed on her.  
  
"Sakura," said the demon slowly. "Is that your name in this life? It's pretty, I'll   
give you that."  
I felt a faint shudder go through my best friend's body, as Li quickly moved in   
front of her. "You'd better just stay away from her," he said in a low voice.  
A pleased look crossed its face as it turned its gaze to Li. "You're here too. Just   
like old times."  
  
"Sorry if the feeling isn't mutual," Li countered calmly. Cerberus took a warning  
step forward, as the demon looked at him. A look of disgust crossed its face. "One  
of my dear brother's creations, I suppose?" she asked him. "Yes, my brother   
always did like manipulating everything to have things under his control."  
  
"Miss Reed, your brother was nothing like that," Cerberus said quietly. Anger  
flashed in its eyes as it sent a red dart of energy toward Cerberus, knocking him  
back. Li quickly pulled out his elemental cards, shooting out a fiery stream which  
the demon barely avoided, as well as calming its temper somewhat. It smirked  
at Li. "Impressive." Then she turned back to Cerberus.  
  
"Don't call me 'Miss Reed'!" it stated in a deadly tone. "I am not related to him.  
And I am not her anymore. Thanks to HIM, I am nothing but one of his measly  
creations."  
  
Sakura shut her eyes tight as if in pain as Cerberus slowly got back up. I couldn't  
blame her, I was very frightened as well. Meiling was trembling next to me; I   
guess Sakura and I weren't the only ones.  
  
"He turned you into a Clow Card because you were pure evil," Cerberus snarled.  
"You needed to be contained."  
The demon sneered, but then its eyes traveled to the night sky. I don't know what  
it was looking for, but I noticed that the North Star was almost at it's highest   
point in the sky, meaning that it was almost midnight. Despite the current   
situation, I couldn't help but wonder how we would explain this to Chelsea and  
the others.  
  
The demon looked back at Li, as he stepped forward. "We have an old score to  
settle," he said in that dangerous voice of his. "And we're going to settle it right  
now."  
"I couldn't agree more, Li," the demon replied lightly. "They tell -me- that I'm   
getting too powerful. You're becoming a hazard to me, you and your little girl-  
friend." Her eyes landed on Sakura again with a smirk. "So, one solution. You 2  
must be eliminated, for good this time, quickly and efficiently, with no time to  
make any stupid pacts that will keep you as thorns in my side through all eternity.  
This time, it has to be lights out for good."  
  
Li was already wired enough, and this provocation didn't help. He blasted out  
his fire again, this time with much more energy. It nearly torched the surrounding  
trees, along with a part of the creature's arm. She wasn't too pleased with   
that, in fact, she looked somewhat worried. But then, a smile crossed it's face,  
and she let loose a dark ball of energy, straight for Li.  
  
It was my fault partly. I was watching the confrontations, and so was Meiling...  
so we had let our guard down from restraining Sakura. She had stopped   
struggling a while ago...but when that dark energy had flown loose, yes Meiling  
and I were still holding her down, but I had never seen her display such strength.  
She wrenched herself out of our grip.  
  
I had shut my eyes and turned away when the demon had released the energy  
ball, but they flew open when I heard Meiling's scream from next to me. At first,  
I though Li hadn't dodged in time, which was horrible in itself, but then- "Sakura,  
no!"  
Cold terror held an icy grip on my heart, and I froze. God, please no...I thought,  
slowly, opening my eyes to what I knew I would see.  
  
Sakura was collapsed in Li's arms, her eyes closed. She had taken the blast for him.  
I really should have seen it coming.  
I was in tears, but didn't realize the fact until about 5 minutes later. We were all at  
their side that second, but were shocked into silence.  
  
"Sakura? Sakura, can you hear me?" Li asked frantically, shaking her. Meiling was  
sobbing, Kero was crying, I wasn't even aware of what I was doing, but Li looked  
like there were 3 thousand emotions all trying to get through at once. Which was  
a lot from him, since he always seemed as if his body wasn't programmed to show  
emotion.  
  
My breath caught in my throat as Sakura's eyes flickered, then opened slightly.   
"Li."  
Li took her hand quickly, clutching it tightly. "I'm right here, Sakura," he told her  
softly. Then whispered, "Why?"  
"Remember last time? I don't want to live without you again," Sakura replied slowly.  
My tears sped up; she was slipping away...  
  
"Sakura you can't leave, I don't want to live without you either," Li said in a strained  
voice. Her eyes fell shut. "I'm sorry," she whispered.  
"Sakura!" Meiling wailed, tears streaming from her crimson-amber eyes.  
Li closed his eyes, squeezing her hand even tighter. His whole body was trembling;  
the pain in him must have been unimaginable, I could tell. Cerberus moved forward  
to attempt to comfort him, although that probably wouldn't have worked well   
because he was in pain too, when Li's eyes suddenly snapped open again, staring  
down at the girl in his arms in amazement.  
  
"She's not dead," he said quietly. Meiling's sobs ceased momentarily at these words.  
"What?"  
"Li-" I began, wondering if he just didn't want to accept the truth. He turned to  
me. "I can still feel her aura. It's really weak, but it's still there."  
Cerberus studied him, then placed a paw on his mistress' forehead. "He's right," he  
said in awe.  
  
The demon had been watching us in half-scorn, half-was it nervousness?- but then   
she finally spoke up, annoyance evident in her voice. "Of course she's not dead,"  
she snapped. "I meant the blast for you, it can kill you and only you!" She threw  
up her arms in disgust. "I can't believe I forgot the extents the 2 of you go to for  
each other. It's disgusting."  
  
Li froze, then calmly handed Sakura over to me. "Take care of her," he muttered,  
standing up. I couldn't even get the chance to ask what he had in mind. But   
whatever it was, I knew the demon would be in serious need of first aid when he  
was done.   
  
He pulled out his sword and came up within a few feet of the demon. "Don't worry,  
it'll be the last mistake you ever make." Even for Li, the voice was -icy-. But I   
hardly paid attention to that, more shocked at what I saw in Li's eyes - tears. I had  
always thought that Li didn't even know how to cry.   
I think the demon was slightly afraid, but she covered it up well.  
  
"I thought you guys were supposed to hate each other," she said, anger evident in  
his voice.  
"That's your second mistake," Li said, in the same cold tone. "It's impossible. I   
could never hate her." His voice went even colder, below zero. "She means every-  
thing to me. You almost took her away from me."  
  
"That spells certain death, Miss Reed," Cerberus added, stepping up behind Li.  
"Death doesn't exist for me," replied the demon in quiet fury. She threw another  
energy ball at Li. He was ready to dodge, but it was already evaded by Cerberus's  
own energy ball from his mouth.  
  
Li pulled out another one of his elemental cards - the lightning one. When he   
released the power, I had to close my eyes against the blinding light, but my ears  
were ringing with the thunderbolts crashing around, the power was rivaling that of  
the Thunder Card and a lightning storm put together. When I opened my eyes  
again, half the trees in the clearing had been charred away, some still had a little   
fire in them.   
  
The demon was lying crumpled on the ground. I could see how severe the injuries  
were, burns and cuts everywhere. I almost felt sorry for her, but then I just looked  
down at my best friend. The demon had gotten everything it had deserved.  
  
Suddenly, it began to glow with a dark light...and then it turned into a card, flutter-  
ing to the ground. A Clow Card.   
It landed right next to Li, who was holding himself up with his sword. He looked  
down at it in hesitation, and hatred.  
"You can end it now," Cerberus said slowly. Li seemed unsure for a moment, but  
then a look of resignation went across his face. Taking his sword, he jammed it right  
through the card.  
  
There was a loud howl, which made me cringe. A dark, spirit-type of thing flew out  
of the destroyed card, and then rose into the sky and was gone. The card itself   
curled up and burned out in a flame of black fire. Then it too was gone, and every-  
thing was silent.  
  
Then Li collapsed to the ground.  
"Li!" Meiling shrieked, running to his side and throwing herself to her knees next to  
him.  
"He's okay," Cerberus reassured her, restraining her. "He just used up all his power,  
that's all." He frowned in consideration. "What I find curious is how Clow's sister   
turned back into a card," he murmured.  
  
"I wonder how she became evil in the first place," I said, looking at the spot where  
the demon had once been. "Poor girl." Okay, I did feel the slightest bit sympathetic  
toward her, although she had almost killed Sakura, and broken up her and Li twice.  
  
I glanced up for a moment, at the clear night sky, where the moon and all the stars  
were shining through. Then I looked around at the forest. "There's gonna be a lot  
for the city to clean up," I muttered, looking at the damage Li had done. "Huh?"  
  
My attention was suddenly drawn to a figure in a tree that had remained intact.  
There was something about it, it looked like whoever it was, was about our age.   
I blinked, wondering if I was imagining it. "Who's that?" I murmured. Meiling  
heard me and glanced at me. "Who's who?" she asked curiously. I looked back at  
the tree. If anyone had ever been there, they were gone now. I shook my head,  
now certain that I had imagined it. But...  
  
I quickly remembered Sakura in my arms, and looked down at her. Her face was  
pale, and her breathing was laboured. Biting down on my lip, I looked up at Cerb-  
erus. "Sakura's not doing too well," I said. "How do we bring her aura back?"  
"We need to get her out of the cold," Cerberus declared, coming over. "She has to  
get lots of rest, and warmth. The rest we take care of when she wakes up." At his  
gesture, I carefully placed Sakura on his back. Then he went over to Meiling and  
she put Li on his back too.   
  
"We're going to have a fun time explaining where we've been to Zachery, Rita, and  
the others," Meiling mentioned as we left the woods, left the festival, being careful  
to take side streets and not be seen. "It's got to be really late Christmas Eve."  
My watch beeped, and I glanced at it. 12:00 am. "You mean, really early Christmas  
Day," I corrected her. Her eyes went round. "Christmas -Day-? Oh great, I'm never  
gonna be able to get to sleep knowing that I can open my presents in a few hours."  
  
I had to laugh, then I glanced at Sakura and Li with a smile, remembering what  
Sakura had told me about their 'promise'. Well, they had kept it. It was Christmas  
Day, and they were together.  
  
  
  
~Li's POV~  
  
  
  
I found myself looking up at a sky blue ceiling when I opened my eyes, and wonder-  
ed for a minute if I were outside. Then I blinked, my vision focused, and my   
memory came back. I shot up in a hurry, then quickly closed my eyes and took a  
few deep breaths as nausea swept over me. It passed by, and I reopened my eyes.  
I was in my guest room in Madison's house.  
  
Speaking of Madison, she walked in right then. She blinked, probably surprised to  
see me awake. "Are you alright?" she asked.  
I nodded. "What happened?" I demanded.  
She smiled. "You were really stupid and used up all your energy with that lightning  
element of yours. The only good thing about it was that it destroyed -her-. You  
almost killed yourself, not to mention ruined nearly half the woods behind the  
festival." She laughed, shaking her head.  
  
I blinked in surprise. "-She's- gone?" I asked.  
"Well, you destroyed the card that she reverted to," Madison pointed out. "So she  
probably is."  
  
"And Sakura?" I wanted to know, remembering the most important thing. My heart  
squeezed up as I remembered what had almost happened to her, what -could-  
have happened.   
Madison watched me carefully, pausing for a minute, and then replying, "Well, she's  
stable now. It was tough, and it was really close..." She bit down on her lip. "But  
she's alright now, I think she might even be awake. Meiling went in to talk to her  
a while ago, she should be in her room. She really needs rest, though." Madison  
gave me a stern look, and then gave me a knowing smile. "You know, you almost  
killed yourself over her. That's pretty strange for someone who hates her," she   
added flippantly as she headed out of the room. "I'm going to prepare something,  
just stay in bed, okay?" She walked out.  
  
I looked down at the bed, deep in thought, Madison's last comment in my mind.  
"..for someone who hates her.."  
Then I thought of what I had told the demon...I could never hate her, she meant   
the world and more to me..  
Sometimes, I was just so confusing to myself. But not as confusing as her, I thought,  
getting out of bed against Madison's command. I was still hurt by the fact that   
she hadn't told me when she had run off...  
  
Glancing out the window, I saw pink streaks in the distance, chasing away the  
shadows of night and sending rays over the white snow. It suddenly hit me what  
day it was. Christmas...  
  
Leaving my room, I headed for Sakura's room and looked in, but she wasn't there.  
Somehow, I wasn't too surprised. I went to look for her, but I started my search in  
the living room. The search didn't last long. She was in the room, at the foot of the  
Christmas tree, looking up at it thoughtfully.  
  
"Don't you ever listen to anybody?" I demanded, glaring at her. "I thought you were  
supposed to be in bed."  
  
Sakura stiffened, then sighed. "I wasn't tired anymore," she murmured quietly, finger-  
ing a ribbon from one of the many packages under the tree. I came and sat down   
next to her, gazing into the fireplace and watching the flames jump around. Outside,  
snow fell gently in the early dawn. None of the others were up yet, probably wouldn't  
be up for another few hours. It must have been only 5 am. Briefly, I wondered how  
Madison had explained the 4 of us coming in so late, especially after having run out  
of the movie that it was her own idea to see.  
  
We were silent for a while. Then a rueful smile crossed Sakura's face. "So you -can-  
cry," she said softly, looking down at her mint green nightgown.   
  
I frowned in confusion at her remark, then remembered. After...after she'd been   
hurt, when I'd faced off against the demon, I could have sworn that I felt a wetness  
in my eyes. Then again, I had been too busy with my intense desire to destroy that  
thing, I hadn't really noticed. Madison probably had though; she must have told her.  
  
Now, I just stared harder into the fire, feeling my face get warmer, which had   
nothing to do with the heat of the flames. What -was- it about this girl? I hadn't under-  
stood it in my past life, and I still didn't understand...what was it about her?  
  
"There was something in my eye," I shot back at her stiffly.  
She snickered quietly. "That's very original, Li Syaoran." We were quiet again, and  
then she spoke up again. "I always thought you couldn't cry."  
I sighed. "Everybody cries sometime, Sakura," I told her, remembering what I'd felt  
when I had first though that she was gone forever..it had been worse than the pain  
of the past few days rolled into one. I was still feeling it, the fear, the anger that she  
hadn't told me, that she'd tried to keep it from me. What if I hadn't remembered?  
Well, I don't think that was possible, but still...  
  
"Why?" I demanded quietly, turning to face her. She whirled around to me, a look of  
fear crossing her eyes, very brief. "Why what?"  
"Why didn't you tell me? Why did you run off by yourself?"  
She turned away from me, starting to get up. "I-I don't know what you're talking   
about, Li," she said. "I have to find Madison, she's probably worried, she told me to  
stay in bed-"  
  
Before she could go anywhere, I grabbed her wrist and pulled her back against the  
wall, keeping a firm grip on her. "Not this time, Sakura," I told her firmly. "You're  
not running away this time."  
She struggled, trying to wrench her arm free. "I don't have to explain anything to   
you!" she exclaimed, glaring at me. "Let go!"  
  
Taking her other arm, I pushed both her hands against her chest, meeting her gaze  
evenly. She was definetly frightened, and she was babbling...but of what? What was  
wrong with her? I narrowed my eyes.  
  
"Why did you take the blast for me?" I asked quietly. "Why did you go without me?  
You could have died-"  
She suddenly burst into tears, collapsing to her knees on the floor as her body   
trembled.  
  
This was the last thing I'd expected her to do, and I quickly crouched down in front  
of her. "Sakura, what's wrong?" I asked.  
"It's you," she whispered, finally able to talk after a few minutes. "I was doing just  
fine, but then -you- happened...you hate me, and I'm supposed to hate you too,  
but I hate myself even more, because I fell in love with you...  
  
  
  
~Sakura's POV~  
  
  
  
I couldn't believe I was doing this. Self hatred mixed with pain unlike anything I   
had ever felt before had taken me over. And I was spilling my innermost secret  
to the very person that absolutely could -not- find out about it.  
"I didn't mean to, I didn't want to," I said in a shuddery voice. "But I did. And   
that's why I didn't tell you about what I was planning. -She- could have hurt  
you, killed you again, I didn't want to think of living without you again...same  
reason I took the blast."  
  
After saying all that, I couldn't sit there anymore, and dashed out to the balcony.  
The sun had finally poked itself above the horizon in an orange orb of colour and  
light. I hardly noticed. I fell to my knees on the snowy ice that covered the  
balcony. My vision was completely blurry.  
  
And then I felt a jacket around my shoulders, and he was there.  
"Get back inside, you'll catch a cold on top of everything else."  
I shrank away from his touch. "Leave me alone," I whispered. I heard him sigh, and  
then he sat next to me. We were silent again, there was a lot of silence between  
us. Silence was better than the words that were sure to fly.  
  
"Sakura," he began. I quickly put up my freezing hands to my ears, trying to block  
out whatever he was about to say.  
He gently pulled my hands down from my ears, holding them firmly in my lap. I was  
annoyed. "I don't need to hear this, Li," I said shortly.  
  
It was as if I hadn't even spoken. "There's a reason why I cried last night," he said  
slowly.   
"Yeah, something was in your eye, remember?" I retorted bitterly. He ignored my  
comment again, turning to me.  
  
"You're right, I don't ever really cry," he murmured. "Maybe you're the one who  
taught me how to do that. I only cry when people I care about are hurt."  
I was stunned into silence, speechless. People he cared about..."Then why didn't you  
cry?" I asked. "You hate me..."  
He closed his eyes tightly, as if those words had hurt him. They'd hurt me, anyway..  
  
"I'm sorry," he muttered. "I'm sorry I ever told you I hated you. It's not true at all."  
He looked up at the sunrise, his gaze faraway. "Last night, I said that you meant  
everything to me. It wasn't a lie. I care about you more than anything..." He laughed  
slightly. "It scares me sometimes, what I feel for you, because it just came out  
of nowhere really, but it's so strong...and I know the extents I'll go to just for you,  
and that's scary too...but what's even scarier is that it's the same for you." He  
closed his eyes again.  
  
Tears were running down my face in streaming droplets, freezing on my cheeks as  
I stared at him, the ice in my heart melting, shattering, leaving...  
"Li, I-"  
  
He opened his eyes, and now I was even more stunned. Madison hadn't been lying;  
he really could cry. There were tears in his eyes as he stared back at the horizon.  
"Last night, I thought I'd lost you again, this time for good," he whispered. "And it  
was just the worst..." he shuddered, then suddenly he was hugging me, crushing me  
to him hard. I could only stare, totally shocked.   
  
"Li..."  
"I'm so sorry, Sakura," he whispered. "I thought I would never be able to tell you   
that, I really thought you were gone for a minute there last night. Please don't leave  
me, I never want to go through that feeling again.."  
  
The tears were freezing even faster on my face as I looked at the boy clinging to  
me, the boy who had never ever shown the slightest emotion, who had always been  
a mystery that drove me crazy because I couldn't figure him out.  
  
"You mean you really -do- care, still? In this lifetime?" I asked hesitantly. He pulled  
back, still gripping onto my shoulders. "More than anything, Sakura. For the longest  
time...and it drove me nuts trying to figure out what I felt, and why. The past 2 days  
have been torture-"  
"You don't hate me?" I asked breathlessly. He chuckled at that, hugging me to him.  
"Yeah right. I couldn't even if I tried, and I know that for a fact because I tried to so  
hard yesterday, I tried to tell myself I didn't care...but when Madison told me you  
were missing, and when we found out where you had gone.." He stroked my hair,  
and I could feel the heart that had shattered 3 nights ago heal itself again in my  
chest. He really did care.  
  
"I love you," I whispered to him, pulling back and looking into his eyes. "You mean  
everything to me too, that's why I did what I did last night-"  
He halted my words as he kissed me on my forehead, bringing about a huge rush  
of emotion.  
"Just to warn you though, if you ever do what you did last night again, I'll really  
be furious. I just got you back, I'm not losing you again."  
  
And then he kissed me for real. And if I'd thought the previous rush of emotion  
had been bad, this one made it look like small beans. My heart was pounding as  
if trying to break out of my chest, I was starting to feel dizzy, my face was  
flaming...and here I'd thought I hated what he did to me.  
  
I leaned against his chest, most of my energy having been sucked out of me.  
This was so weird, but then, love was weird, and I wasn't exactly complaining.  
"You kept your promise," I murmured, suddenly realizing again what day it was.  
  
He laughed. "Of course I did, nothing would've kept me away."  
Even though it was freezing on that balcony in the late dawn on Christmas morning,  
I didn't notice, still wrapped in his arms and clinging to him. I was happy,   
because I'd thought that Li was taking away my Christmas spirit when all he'd done  
was reinforce it stronger than ever. And then the sun fully came out from behind  
the cityline, and it wasn't so bad anymore.  
  
  
  
~Meiling's POV~  
  
  
  
"Well? Can you hear what they're saying?" I demanded. The silver-midnight haired  
girl in front of me smiled from her crouched position behind the living room door.  
"Don't worry, I don't need to hear what they're saying to know that they'll be just  
fine," she said happily.  
  
I leaned against the doorframe, sighing exhausted. "Finally! Sheesh, for 2 people  
destined to be together, they sure took a long time figuring it out."  
I peeked back into the living room, right when Sakura got up and ran to the balcony.  
I tensed, clenching my fist so tightly that my knuckles turned white in agitation, then  
I released the pressure in relief when Li went after her less than a minute later.  
  
I shot a glance at Madison, eyebrow raised. "You have funny definitions of the word  
fine," I remarked. The other 2 looked like they were in yet another fight.  
Madison sighed. "Didn't you hear what Sakura said? She said she loved him."  
My eyes went round as I gaped at her. "What? She said that? It's not fair, I can't  
hear anything from here!"  
  
Madison stood up, brushing off her light red Santa-type dress. "Well, it doesn't  
make much difference," she said airily. "They're outside now." She glanced   
worriedly at the balcony. "I hope they come back inside soon, they're still weak  
from last night. The last thing they need is to catch a cold." Then, noticing my  
downcast expression, she grinned, holding up her camcorder. "Hey relax Meiling.  
I've got it in memo for the rest of time," she giggled, as I brightened. "I don't  
think Kero would ever forgive me if I didn't get it on tape, but then again..." she  
trailed off, probably remembering how Kero wasn't exactly on the friendliest terms  
with Li.  
  
I sniffed. "Yeah, like the stuffed animal counts for anything," I responded, peeking  
back through the door of the living room. Madison studied me for a moment, I  
could feel her violet eyes on me. "Meiling, are you okay?" she asked hesitantly.  
"I mean, I know you like him and everything..."  
I looked down on the floor for a minute, then raised my eyes to her. "Sure I care  
about him, but hey, who am I to argue with fate, right?" I said with a smile. And  
to my surprise, I really meant it...as long as he was happy. After all, it was  
Christmas, and it wasn't like this had been a huge surprise, except for the past-  
life thing.  
  
"I mean, it's not like I didn't see this coming," I added with a smirk. Madison's  
worried expression relaxed, and she laughed. "Yeah, don't think I can argue  
with you on that."  
  
The 2 were still outside. From this angle, I couldn't see just what they were doing,  
and I slid to the ground, rolling my eyes to the ceiling. I checked the clock in the  
hallway, it was 6:50 am. Early Christmas morning, sure, but Christmas morning  
all the same. I wanted to see what I'd gotten! Why were they taking so long?  
  
Madison laughed at my impatience; it's something that I haven't grown out of,  
being agitated on Christmas morning, almost breathless with anticipation to  
open presents, to have everyone sitting in a comfortable circle around the  
Christmas tree, with the snow falling outside and being all warm and cozy...  
I didn't even notice myself stamp my foot in impatience. I wanted to tear through  
all the rooms in the large mansion, wake all our friends up with excited shouts  
of what day it was, order them to be around the tree in 5 minutes or else...  
  
"Why don't we go make breakfast first?" Madison suggested hastily, watching  
me uneasily. "It'll take up some time, before you do what I know you're thinking.  
I promised my mom that I would let everyone sleep in at least until 7:30 on  
Christmas morning, and I've already kind of broken it..." She glanced toward  
the balcony, then beckoned me to follow her. "Come on, we'll make hot cocoa,  
maybe even watch a Christmas special on TV or something," she said in  
excitement.  
  
She started heading for the kitchen, and I eagerly began to follow her, but  
then paused, casting one last glance at the icy balcony. Those 2 were really crazy  
sometimes, weren't they freezing? Then I had to smile, remembering that  
they probably wouldn't even feel the cold with the other around.   
  
I wondered, did it always take so long to fall in love? Or to realize the fact?  
It was probably just them, they were the slowest people I had ever known.   
Whatever. As long as they were happy, and I knew they were.   
And they had both found their own true meaning of Christmas. That was more  
special than any present or decoration in the universe.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Why I never walked away  
Why I played myself this way  
Now I see, the test in me  
Pushes me away  
  
  
  
  
~Linkin Park- Pushing me Away  
  
  
  
  
~FIN  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
**sweatdrops** Talk about your pieces of junk, I know ^^*. I seriously do not know  
what I was on when I wrote this, believe me I'm not normally like this. Trust me to  
turn Christmas into something like this, huh? Well anyways, if you've got any comments  
(or flames, whatever ^^;), please email me at starviewcom@hotmail.com. Once   
again everyone, Merry Christmas! 


End file.
